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Using Rick Astley to quantify the objective quality of the Song Sunday Clothes by Leif Hoberecht

A great piece of art will leave a great legacy, and will continue to affect all that follows it. I see the best way to demonstrate this point is with the greatest piece of music ever composed, Rick Astley's never gonna give you up. Or as most know it, the inventor of both music and romance. Nowadays we hear so many songs and watch so many rom-coms, but back before Rick's magnum opus none of these existed, and so I have found that to find the objective quality of a song is to compare it with this profound masterpiece. In this I have found three tiers of music.


1: Is never gonna give you up (The greatest piece of music ever written)

2: Has the words in it necessary to write Never Gonna Give You Up (Incredible)

3: Has the letters in it to write never gonna give you up (Ok)

4: Lyrics must be modified in some way such as a decoder to write never gonna give you up (Bad)

5: Is an instrumental piece aka can't be used to write never gonna give you up (Utter Garbage.)

Today I will judge perhaps the most famous song from Hello Dolly, Put on Your Sunday Clothes, and in fear of breaking the rule of not sharing the script, I will be taking the lyrics from Genius's lyrics to Michael Crawford and Barbara Streisand's Sunday Clothes. To begin I can already cross off number one, this song is not never gonna give you up. So I'll move on and spare you the details by saying that not once is the word never said or sung in Sunday Clothes. But can it make tier three? In Never Gonna Give You Up there are:


113 A's

15 B's

11 C's

51 D's

197 F's

9 F's

85 G's

34 H's

53 I's

2 J's

17 K's

43 L's

20 M's

205 N's

172 O's

12 P's

0 Q's

91 R's

38 S's

72 T's

84 U's

57 V's

31 W's

0 X's

74 Y's

and 0 Z's


To make this most efficient, I will check Sunday Clothes in order of the most represented letters in Never Gonna Give You Up starting with N.


Sunday clothes and 173 N's, 32 short of Never Gonna Give You Up, meaning that as it does have lyrics which could be modified to become Never Gonna Give You Up, I am afraid that Put On Your Sunday Clothes from Hello Dolly is a bad song... unless perhaps genius's version is simply the bad one. Perhaps I can mutter Never Gonna Give You Up under my breath very quietly well offstage effectively making our performance of Sunday Clothes the best ever. So if you don't want to miss that, remember to see Hello Dolly at Nathan Hale Theatre and consider donating to Nathan Hale Theatre with our fundraiser, give butter.




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